Its been a long time sense I wrote something on my blog. I been crawling into my cave again.
Putting up a shell around me and noting of my purest is coming out.
I thought I worked so much with my self that I would recognize this behavior of mine. But no, its been weeks with restless night and non satisfactions mind. But today after a yoga class it smashed my head. A voice saying- Angelica come out! Be real, be you!
This little voice inside me answered-but the world gonna eat me…
Sometimes that is what I feel. But never really do I act it out. I am scared to be eaten. To be formed by the forms.
The first thing that happens to me when this feeling and fear is jumping on my bones, my voice changes. A lot. My Vishuddha, throat chakra blocks. And my head feels like a exploding seed. My hearts starts to shiver and being insecure. And I try to fit in every where.
Ending up in the grey zone.
And as I believe, off curse this is also one flow that has to be past, perhaps many times before its recognized as a unpleasant hangover. And sometimes the grey zone can be a comfort zone, just riding the energies that is the fact of the now.
But my experience of this level of grayness is that it eats a lot more energy out of you. Feeling tired and lac of creativity. The real, prana, the flow of life is blocked to float all over your body.
So now, today, after meditated this I feel so much more alive. At present, I feel the power of my heart and I walked all the edges from color to color skipping that grey one.
And I feel kind of proud of my self looking above all this. Going outside my self and looking on the facts. Creating my way to ground down inside again.
Hope that this can give you a reminder to jump out of your comfort zone as well.
The world perhaps going to eat you. But damn you will taste great when the light of honesty and pure open heart is the dish of the day. And then you will be a pleasant memory in the mouth of life.
Yeah! Happy Saturday. Now I will go out and dance, shake this shell to a soft feather sensation.